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Nov. 26th, 2009

  • 6:25 PM

So my comp keeps shutting down saying "warning cpu over temperature!"
If it goes boom or possibly fizzle and i vanish for months you'll all know why.. :(

What a week..

  • Nov. 22nd, 2009 at 1:58 AM

Got bitten on the nose by an insect..swelled up making me look like a small family of badgers had taken up residence in my shnozz.
Torrential rain and gale force winds all week.
My wallet was stolen including the only bank card i have and the new school photo of my daughter.

Ranting time

  • Sep. 8th, 2009 at 8:20 PM

Are things deliberately trying to piss me off today?.
 1st i go to the bank and the printer goes wrong so i have to stand there for 15 minutes while the cak handed old witch writes out the correct balance. Then i go grocery shopping...i decide to go through the self service till, and the fun starts.."unexpected item in the bag, please remove it before continuing", i remove the item i'd just scanned..."item removed from the bagging area please replace before continuing", i replace it..."unexpected item in the bagging area"..like this for ten friggin minutes!.
 Ifinally get to pay, i put in my card..."no chip detected"...i try again "no chip detected, try swiping it on the side of the monitor", i swipe it.."try an alternative method of payment"..GAH!
 I finally get home and guess what?..my bloody key wont work!...no matter what i try nothing...then i was just going to give up, gave it one more try and it turns as if nothing had happened!.
   Well i had calmed myself down...until i read a list on the virgin homepage, "10 most deadly biscuits" deadly biscuits?..yup apparently they actually employ someone to gauge the danger factor of cookies and biscuits!. Now is it the biscuits that are dangerous?, no! its the idiots eating them!, choking on crumbs, scalding after dunking, falling off a chair while reaching for a cookie, one guy got stuck in wet cement trying to retrieve his biscuit!....yup they sure are deadly....how the smeg has the human race lasted this long?.

Vacation

  • Jun. 28th, 2009 at 3:48 PM


5 Weeks till vacation time, please god no prickly heat this year i beg you. Can't wait to go back to the county i was born in i always feel so much more healthy while i'm there, but then it could be the sea air and the lack of stress i suppose. For those who've never been to england in the summer here's a pic from last year.

Anniversary

  • Jun. 28th, 2009 at 3:41 PM

It's that time of year again..and my mrs actually remembered it's our anniversary tomorrow, woot!. 18 years of marriage, and this december marks 22 years of being together...damn i feel old. lol

Why can't people train their dogs?

  • May. 29th, 2009 at 12:00 AM

So, i get a phone call from my mum who's on holiday down south. She was walking across a station carpark with her friends when suddenly a big black dog leapt out of a van and mauled her guide dog.
 It leapt onto his back, pinned him down and slashed him across the shoulder and neck........
it bit several people including it's owner as they tried to drag it off.
  my mum is 72...blind...bad heart...this was the last thing she needed..she is shaken, crying..her precious guide dog, her eyes, now won't be able to work for two weeks while his stitched up wounds heal.
  I am so FUCKING ANGRY!
so many times other peoples dogs lunge at poor nat...this time he actually got hurt..why can't people control their dogs?!
are they so,so fucking stupid they can't see the necessity?.
If i'd have been there i'd have kicked seven shades of shit outta the owner...*seething*

About time i did it.

  • May. 24th, 2009 at 10:09 PM

Finally got around to doing some gardening today. Cut the lawn, planted out my begonias and impatiens, watered my night scented stocks. It would appear that you really can't tell aphids to bugger off and expect them to obey lol....hundreds of the little swines all over my climbing rose.

lolcat test

  • May. 16th, 2009 at 12:37 AM


<p><em>
            Your result for The Which Lolcat Are You? Test...
            </em></p><h3>SurpriseAdoption Cat</h3><p>43%  Affectionate, 70%  Excitable, 40%  Hungry</p><p style="text-align:center"><img src="http://cdn.okcimg.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/0x0/0x0/0/8149154519481432199.jpeg" width="400" height="376" /></p><div>Calloused. Heartless. Exuberant. You carry the heavy burden of informing children that they are adopted by jumping out of their birthday cake. A difficult task, but somebody must break the news to children on their only day of happiness.<br /><br />

To see all possible results, checka <a href="http://www.okcupid.com/journal?pid=16057073667375255014&tuid=4102022445444324283">dis</a>.</div><p><a href="http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/the-which-lolcat-are-you-test">
            Take The Which Lolcat Are You? Test</a> at <a href="http://www.helloquizzy.com/"><b style="color:#131313"><span style="color:#ac000c">H</span>ello<span style="color:#ac000c">Q</span>uizzy</b></a></p>

What's Your Personality Type?

  • May. 14th, 2009 at 1:18 AM

You Are An INFJ
The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener with almost infinite patience.
You have complex feelings, and you take great care to express them.

In love, you see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow.
You enjoy relationships when they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation.

At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

bored

  • Apr. 6th, 2009 at 10:33 PM

i'm so unbelievably, incredibly bored..

Drools!

  • Mar. 14th, 2009 at 11:29 PM


time for a slice methinks.

Abandon hope

  • Feb. 22nd, 2009 at 3:57 PM

It's official the human race is doomed. What made me realise this you ask?...reading the label on a new t-shirt.
 It read as follows.."wash when dirty"....WASH WHEN DIRTY!!........gah!...people need that instruction!?   *speechless*

Tags:

elemental quiz

  • Feb. 20th, 2009 at 2:17 PM


<p><em>
            Your result for The Elemental Test...
            </em></p><h3>Wood</h3><p>The Patient Watcher</p><p style="text-align:center"><img src="http://cdn.okcimg.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/0x0/0x0/0/4781791680103982737.jpeg" width="600" height="400" /></p><div>Your nature is Wood.  You are an observer of others as life passes you by.  You sometimes are envious of not being able to be swept up in the ever-changing world, but then you remember that your roots are what give you comfort and nurture you.  You are steadfast and people often turn to you for advice when their life falls in tatters.<em></em></div><p><a href="http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/the-elemental-test-10">
            Take The Elemental Test</a> at <a href="http://www.helloquizzy.com/"><b style="color:#131313"><span style="color:#ac000c">H</span>ello<span style="color:#ac000c">Q</span>uizzy</b></a></p>

cake

  • Feb. 17th, 2009 at 6:33 PM

Well i'd better get back to making the cake for my daughters party tomorrow. Dang it's big..12 inches long, triple layer, an entire pot of whipped cream, a whole pound of chocolate buttercream, a large bar of milk chocolate grated and pressed in to the frosting at the sides...nearly forgot the hint of vanilla in the frosting lol.
  Finally finished piping the dolphin she wanted on the top. That was a complete pain, all those shades for its skin...not happy with the mouth though..my hand shook a little because i forgot to eat anything today, now it looks like a dolphin eating a toffee lol.

random

  • Feb. 2nd, 2009 at 11:33 PM

Toast...the weapon choice of the truly desperate rofl!

The awakening

  • Jan. 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 PM


The Awakening

 

 

Shrouded in mist the ancient tower stood barely discernable in the twilight of the witching hours.

The dark stone crumbling and ivy clad, yet still solid after its thousands of years of existance.

From a distance a figure approached. Moving swiftly and silently his tall wraith like form

seeming to be part of the mist swirling about him.

He approached the tower cautiously, looking nervously about him as he stood before the

age darkened walls. He whispered an incantation and moved his fingers swiftly yet with infinite

precision, to form cryptic gestures known only by a few.

Without a sound the wall shimmered a soft blue and an opening appeared. Stepping through

quickly the figure disappeared from sight into the tower. The wall reforming liquidly, covering

any sign of ever having been opened.

The market place surrounding the tower slowly came to life as the stallholders arrived in two's

and threes. Setting up their wares, unfurling the stripey awnings ready for the days work. As the

day wore on strange noises were heard emanating from within the dark confines. The sound of

chanting reached the ears of the townsfolk as green smoke issued in billowing waves from the

pinnacle of the turret, gradually changing hues to red, amber and finally to blue.

Lightning struck from clear skies, rumblings surged from within the earth growing louder and

louder as the chanting grew to a peak.

Suddenly all was quiet, the birds had stopped singing, the people had frozen in place, an

expectant pressure built as the silence rolled out across the country.

The world sighed, as the unseen barriers that permeated our plane faded away. Flowers opened

birds sang, the grass became greener, the sky bluer as creatures that had slept for eons awoke.

Ogres, dragons, hamadryads, unicorns, undines all the magical creatures thought gone

forever reappeared. People cheered and clapped as the air cleared and the waters flowed pure

once again. Animals ran, bucked and rolled on the clean earth as the worlds soul joined once

more with the true glory of creation.

The man in black (part two)

  • Jan. 20th, 2009 at 2:43 AM


The man in black (part two)

 

 

People ran about hysterically screaming for help, some falling over upset barstools and being

trampled into the floor by friends, who a moment ago were chatting and laughing with them. The

man in black smashed a bottle, and holding the jagged edges at arms length, laughed in evil glee

as a balding, rather rotund little man ran face first into it. Then staggered away shrieking,

desperately trying to hold his torn flesh together as a glittering cascade of blood gushed from

between his fingers.

A woman tried to rush past but a powerful arm snaked out to grab a handful of hair and bring her

to a head snapping halt. The man in black reeled her in like a fish destined for the dinner table, tilted

her head back and raised his arm. His hand shimmered and changed form, darkening into a black

scaled horror. Three fingers pointing forward, one sprouting from the base of the wrist pointing

backwards each tipped with a five inch, blood red talon, light gleaming from their razor sharp edges.

The massive paw swept down, slashing her throat, blood spurting in a crimson arc. Fastening

his mouth to the gaping wound he began to drink deeply of the bittersweet liquid.

As he drank his body began to swell, ballooning outwards, skin scaling over, wings bursting from

between his shoulder blades. His head elongated, bones thickened, long jaws stretching out, huge

ivory fangs slicing out from the gums.

Towering over the scene he dropped the woman to fall to the ground with a sickening thud.

Burning yellow eyes searching through the thickening smoke as the ceiling began to burn. His head

swaying on a snake-like neck suddenly lunged forward to engulf a tousle haired young mans skull.

The massive jaw muscles began to squeeze, a muffled scream sounded followed by a crunching pop

as the young mans head burst like a melon showering the back of the reptilian creatures throat

with brains.

A vast explosion of blinding red light hallowed the complete change. Now a fifty feet long, jet

black dragon crouched within the confines of the night club. Rearing up on its hind legs, smashing

through the roof, the dragon gave vent to a mighty roar that shattered windows for miles. Huge chunks

of ceiling fell to crush the puny mortals, a spinning fan blade swung down on its wires, slashing

through the air to bury itself in a mans chest, smashing through ribs as if made from matchwood.

The mighty dragons head swung around, fire leapt from its mouth in lashing tongues of flame.

The heat so intense that roasting bodies were welded together. The steel exit doors blistering and

the huge mirror behind the bar running to form a pool of molten glass beneath the creatures feet.

Bottles exploding spraying alcohol over the walls lending even more fury to the inferno.

With a bunching of iron hard muscles the dragon threw itself into the velvet darkness of the night

sky. Wings slowly beating, raising vast dust clouds from the city streets, sending trees toppling

in the park the dragon rose higher, a huge silhouette against the stars. It disappeared into the

darkness.

The emergency services arrived in a screaming of sirens and flashing lights. Firefighters

swarming up ladders, trying desperately to hose down the building and save the few people still

alive within. The police cordoned off the streets surrounding the club and evacuated the buildings

on either side. A small crowd gathered behind the police lines, mainly consisting of families in

their night wear, from nearby apartments.

A whistling noise sounded from the darkness, growing louder and louder. Now a whooshing

sound accompanied it. With an earsplitting roar the dragon hurtled from the night sky, a

woofing boom sounded as gases ignited when they were jetted from nose and mouth.

The flames washed up the street like a tidal wave of heat and noise, the fire trucks and

police cars exploded and were thrown high into the air. The road surface became a river of boiling

tar carrying burning bodies tossing and turning up the street. The sky was lit up with a bright orange

and red glow, the clouds of smoke hanging over the city reflecting light from the inferno and

carrying the scent of roasting meat.

The mighty black dragon angled his body and flashed along the street, his wings inches from

scraping the buildings either side. He swooped back up into the sky and continued on,

maniacal laughter bubbling from his throat as he saw the carnage from afar.

The following night on the other side of the world a man appeared on the edge of town.

A man dressed all in black.

The man in black (part one)

  • Jan. 19th, 2009 at 8:21 PM


THE MAN IN BLACK (part one)

One second he wasn't there, the next he was. Appearing from the edge of town, tall,muscular,

eyes like blue ice that glared at the world from a hardened heart. The man in black. There for one

reason only, to kill.

He started slowly, standing on the neck of a young puppy tied up outside the library. Head

tilted to one side to catch every sound of the animal choking to death. As the dog ceased to

struggle he gave a quick sideways motion with his heel and snapped its spine like a rotten twig.

Moving on, he paused for a moment in an alley to savour the sound of sobbing anguish coming

from the white haired old lady when she discovered her only true friend.Her puppy, tongue protruding

eyes bulging, dead at the end of its lead.

Now he waited for darkness to fall for his next kill, waiting patiently in the park. Sat on a wooden

bench beneath flowering cherry trees feeding the birds breadcrumbs. Occasionally flicking a

larger piece out into the road, scowling when the birds, mainly sparrows, flew up in time to avoid

being crushed by speeding cars. Idly he reached over and plucked a rose from the neat borders

and held it up to examine it. From the second he had picked it the pretty yellow flower started

to wilt and die. Ageing fast the petals turned from brown to black as mould spread over it.

Until he was left holding a withered black spike.

A small smile crept across the sombre dressed strangers face as he plunged the spike deep

into the fleshy mound at the base of his thumb. Blood welled up from the gash, dripping down his

wrist and onto the ground. It smoked and burned its way through the paving stones. Tearing free

the spike he threw it away from himself and into the sunlight where it faded to grey ash. The

wound began to close upon itself, the blood ceased to flow and within seconds his skin was again

without blemish.

As night fell the town changed from being full of housewives shopping, and pinstripe suited

business men. To a thriving metropolis bustling with teenagers in gangs smoking on street

corners, and night clubbers and drinkers to and fro between the local hotspots. Chuckling to

himself, the sound more like a death rattle than laughter, the man in black set off to give them all

a taste of hell on earth.

Walking to the rear of a night club he paused by the empty beer crates stacked shoulder high

against the fire exit doors. Leaning over them he noted with grim satisfaction that the steel doors

were padlocked shut from the outside. Closing his eyes in concentration he stood silently,

letting the cool night air wash over his face. A faint red glow began to appear around his body, a

slim wisp of smoke curling from one nostril, he walked forwards. His body fading slightly as he

phased through the walls and into the building.

Appearing to emerge from the mens washroom the man in black weaved his way through the

crowd on the dance floor. Pausing momentarily to flick a cigarette from a mans hand and watching it

roll across the polished floor boards towards a woman who was dancing barefoot. Moving quickly

away, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as a squeal of pain came from behind him. He

leaned against the bar picking up someones drink and downing it in one. There was a faint hissing

sound as the beer hit his stomach, belching, a cloud of steam jetted from his mouth.

Reaching into a bowl of peanuts on the bar he laid one carefully next to his glass. Closing

one eye to sight carefully, he flicked it at incredible speed towards a barman. Punching a neat hole

just behind the ear, the peanut tore through his skull and burst out of his eye in a shower of blood

and jelly to plop down into a young womans cocktail. The barman sank to the floor without a sound,

all the women and some of the men began to scream. A young lady picked up her drink and took a

big swallow and collapsed with a peanut lodged in her throat.

A crowd surged towards the exits, with a strangely high pitched giggle the man in black

glanced at the doors, flames burst out from the frames around them, the heat buckling the steel

jamming them shut forever.

 

 

Pure gold part two

  • Jan. 18th, 2009 at 2:43 AM


PURE GOLD (PART TWO)

Summer passed into a hazy warm memory as autumn arrived in a blaze of colour. The leaves turning

various shades of crimson,ochre,and brown. The green grass gradually fading and drying to a knee

high expanse of golden stems swaying in the breeze. The unicorns floating through it all, spots of

purest white like the sails of tall ships glimpsed from a distance.

One autumn evening a disaster struck the herd. While long shadows played across the billowing

grass, the unicorns seemingly ablaze in the orange glow of the setting sun. A dark spot appeared on

the horizon, approaching from the direction of the dying sun. The dominant stallion, eyes watering as he

squinted into the light, stood unsure of what to do as the spot grew larger.

A stray cloud passed over the sun suddenly revealing the shape of a creature swooping down on them.

A dragon of nightmare proportions. All red, and bristling with claws and hooked scales, a bestial snarl

curling back its snout to reveal great curved dagger like teeth. A gout of oily black and orange flame

shooting from its opening maw.

Circling high above the plains the dragon had planned its attack. The alabaster forms below easy

to spot against the yellowy brown meadows. Down it swept, fingers gripping convulsively, talons

glinting in the evening light, towards the batchelor group on the right of the main herd.

The stallion screamed out his fear and set the harem running for a canyon some five miles distant.

Bucking and swerving around them to keep the foals and mares together.

On the first sweeping pass the Dragon slashed its way through four young males, leaving their bloodied

forms where they lay. Beginning a slow lazy arc to swing down behind them once more. At a height

of one hundred feet the dragon noted the two distinct dust clouds. One,that of the batchelors, the other

much larger that of the harem and stallion.

Running flat out, necks extended,nostrils blowing hard, the main herd raced along the moors.Sparks

flying from their hooves so many in number it was as if each shed starry constellations at each step.

The scarlet winged horror plummeted out of the sky, the air became filled with the screams of

petrified unicorns. Down it came, the wind rushing over its ridged back. It arrowed towards the batchelors

bellowing in lust, a great blast of flame engulfing the galloping shapes. As the dragon shot overhead the

backdraft from its wings blew out the burning bodies, leaving behing a dozen charred corpses.

The harem, led by the big stallion thundered into the canyon their hooves barely touching the ground

so great was their speed. Surrounded on three sides by rock they finally ground to a nervous halt.The

stallion snorting the command to stay turned and began to trot back towards the dragon. Knowing that

when it had finished gorging itself on the tough bodies of his fellow males it would come looking for the

tender, juicy foals.

In the distance a tiny dust cloud started up.Heading towards the blood bath where the dragon

crouched, powerful jaws crunching through skin and bone.

The dominant stallion stood gazing at the countryside it loved, knowing that today was his last as

master of the herd. Turning, he shrilled out his challenge. The dragon looked up from its grisly feast, its

tail thrashing in anger. The stallion charged, speeding towards the dragons neck. The ground flew by

beneath his hooves, the air whistling as it was parted by his pearly horn. With dignity and pride in every

fibre of his being he hurtled forward.

The dragon growled, reared up and struck viciously. The stallion was brought to a slamming halt as

wickedly sharp fangs plunged into his throat then ripped clear. Staggering drunkenly the stallion sat as his

rear legs gave way, the dragons venom coursing through him. He sank to the ground, his eyes dimming,

cracks appearing in his horn as it crumbled away to dust, his heart stopped.

The harem stood alone and unprotected. The slim and dainty females and foals shivering in fright as

the dragon neared the mouth of the canyon in a peculiar shifting gait. A distant dust cloud resolved itself into

the shape of a unicorn, an oddly coloured unicorn.

The outcast tore across the grassland, sweat pouring down his flanks washing away the dust and dirt

of an animal with no self respect.Revealing a hide of rippling burnished gold.No longer the sandy

unicorn, he was now the only stallion alive, a stallion of pure gold.

At the sound of galloping the dragon began to whip around to face the new enemy, but was too late.

Unable to spot a sandy unicorn in the dry, brown grass from the air it had made a fatal error. A four and

a half foot bronzed horn ripped through the armour plating of its back skewering it neatly through one

lung and into its heart. The spitted dragon began to expand as the volatile gases for fire breathing

began to mix internally. With a flick of his head the golden unicorn withdrew his horn. The dragon

exploded in a ball of flame and viscera.

The golden stallion, head held high, trotted towards the harem. Who stood, heads to one side in a mark

of respect for the new dominant male.

Now a new herd of unicorns grazes the leaves in the forest meadow. Many of them now have golden horns,

a legacy of their sire. Once every few years a different unicorn is born.One with a coat of pure gold. A

direct descendant of the outcast dragonslayer.This golden animal invariably becomes the leader of the herd.

THE END